Today is my birthday and here's a dead deer's head

11 years and 8 months ago

Today is my birthday and here's a dead deer's head

Here's the skinny: I'm forty.

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As I'm pulling the plug on my roaring thirties, I figured I might as well step outside for a bit of practical art, rather than stay indoors and mourn for my past youth.

So I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon skinning this here dead deer's head(1). (Why? European mount that's why. Now you think twice before calling Col. Ressler on me.)

And to any of my friends and relative who will feel smart enough to drop by, having worked for some time on the you're-not-getting-any-younger kind of jokes that made many a postcard editing house's fortune, I'm going to answer with just the required background hysterical tone in my voice:
A-ah, ah, ah very funny indeed. Now do you see this deer's head?
And then I'll check the sharpness of my knives on my forearm while starring at them with a slightly mad glint in my eyes, and without a flinch.

That should cut any attempt in the line of “Well, a recent survey showed that at the age of twenty 90% of men have sex four times a week and that by the time they reach 40 they are still capable of telling the same pathetic lie.”, and other “hey the candles cost more than the cake”. Sharpish and shortish.

Defensive? You think I am being defensive? Hey look, do you see this deer's head?

Now, slightly less seriously and hopefully without too much violin, I wish to thank you dear reader for hanging around these parts of the world wide wood, when there's so many other interesting stuff elsewhere, a large proportion of which does not even involve naked human beings at all, and be ready to face whatever I can toss at you, from dead deers' heads to terrorist mime trainers.

And come back the next day nevertheless(2).

I've very much enjoyed your extensive feedback when I asked your advice a couple of weeks ago. I've set my mind on the 30-30 Marlin 336C, as many of you suggested — it was indeed a tough call between her and the Remington 700. I will get me the Remington, though not just now — and I'm now calling the gun shops around, in order to get the best bang for my bucks(3). I'm down to € 730 at the moment, which is very reasonable indeed.

Unless you all rush to tell me this is a stupid idea, I'm thinking of having the following tattooed on the babe:

ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
1967 - 2007

I'm still not set on the adrenalin boost, but considering the persistent lousy weather around here, I might have to postpone it anyway: correct me if I'm wrong but the constant rain and cloudy sky would ruin both the Lambo drive and the skydiving.

A-ah, ah, ah very funny indeed. No I am not backing off and do you see that there dead deer?
  1. Try to say that fast, and several times in a row.
  2. This being of course, the real test of your character.
  3. Yeah, pun largely intended I'm afraid.

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Comments thread (36)

  • Comment author avatar
  • Valerie, Texas

Happy, happy birthday Frogman!  May you have many a successful hunt with your new boomstick.

I think George Thoroughgood wrote a song just for you. (For you young ones it is called Bad to the Bone.)
!

And if you don’t want friends and family coming around, just tell them.  Why do all this subtle nuanced stuff?

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  • Folly USA

Happy Birthday. I turned 40 in May. Yes, it sucked.  However, now I get to laugh at all the 20-somethings and tell, “when I was your age,” stories.

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  • Valerie, Texas

Hee.

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  • JihadGene North Korea, Central California

Gleetings frum Great Reader KIM Jong IL!

I am love yoo loooong time! Me glad yoo have happy birf-day! If yoo have any deer horn left over… preeze give to me! When deer horny is ground down, it workie same-same like Viagra!!!

Great Reader, KIM Jong IL

DMZ Northside, PyongYang, DPKR 90210

PMS   Age 40 ain’t shit…you start to fall apart at 50…so enjoy!!!

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  • BlueStarMom

Molon labe

Reminds me of the “Come And Take It” Flag.  Gonzales, Texas - October 2,1835.

“Historian H. Yoakum’s words in 1855 bear repeating:  Every one who knows the Texans, or who has heard of them, would naturally conclude that they never would submit to be disarmed.  Any government that would attempt to disarm its people is despotic; and any people that would submit to it deserves to be slaves!”

Keep writing and posting.

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  • DDeerleg The Great American Midwest

Happy Birthday….40 isn’t so bad.  I’m well into my 50s….just keep bringing home a few deer heads each year and you’ll stay young!  Well….at least you’ll feel better about your age - and a lot of the spoiled brat kiddies out there who couldn’t survive a day in the wild will keep their distance when they see all the deer heads on the wall.

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  • mbrewer2045 Wisconsin USA

Frogman,

It’s been a while (high school) since I had to spell anything in French (and I can barely spell in English, being an Engineer), but here it goes…..

BON ANNIVERSAIRE!!

Hope you have a great birthday and keep up the great posting!

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  • Lady Cincinnatus Ohio & Kentucky

Don’t worry, D. Frogman, men are like wine, they get better with age. So, I guess that means it is doubly true if you’re French.  :)  What we really want to know is what you did with the rest of the deer.

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  • Blinky Omaha, Nebraksa, USA

Nice kill man.

I was going back over the comments of the “gun advice” blog and I did sugest putting ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ on your next weapon.  I guess it’s true what they say about great minds and all the jazz.  Anyway, Happy Birthday and keep fighting the good fight.

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  • Orageuse South Georgia

I registered for the express purpose of wishing you a happy birthday.  So, bon anniversaire!

I have always maintained that a man just doesn’t get to be any good until he’s at least 35

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  • Proof Stockton, Callifornia, USA

Fröliche Geburtstag! In your picture, I see both a “shooty” and a “no shooty”... are we to assume causality between the “shooty” and the deer’s head at room temperature? : )

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  • Sarah

I’m afraid at this late hour in the American day that my Birthday Wishes sent overseas to you are slightly past due and waxing poetic about the virtues of a fourty year old man are embarassingly redundant.  I guess all that is left to do is to go out an smoke a fine cigar under the bright moon to celebrate.  Here’s to you DF.

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  • BadCatRobot

Here is a virtual birthday present for you—Medieval Siege Weapons!  This will permit you to defend your precious boomstick(s) from any fonctionnaires with pitchforks and torches.  Plus, they do not emit any greenhouse gases!  (large boulders not included).

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  • SPQR

Congrats on the deer.  That kind of mount can be quite attractive if you get the skull quite white.  I was talking to a local taxidermist just last Saturday when we dropped off a pronghorn antelope head for the same process.  He was saying that it was important to keep the pH up, plenty of baking soda ie., sodium bicarbonate, would get the pH of the soup up to about 8.

By the way, what rifle did you use on that?

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  • SisterToldjah

Happy birthday, DF!  Hope it was a good one :)

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  • G.W.C. Colorado

Well, okay, so I’m a little late, Happy Birthday anyway Frogman. Range on that shot? Specifics man!

Ever notice that the more lethal someone is, the more polite they tend to be?

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  • Spirit51 Windsor, Missouri, U.S.A.

Happy Birthday.  I have 14 years on you, so relax, it only gets easier.  If you believe that….I have a lovely bridge over Truman Lake I can sell you.  LOL

I really enjoy this site.  Informative and funny, plus I pick up a few French words I can use on my son in law who is from Belgium.  This surprises him much and he is wondering where I am learning some of these words.  I have recommended your site and video on the Mime terror training to many people and they love it.  I look forward to more of your insight and humor.  Again…Happy Birthday.    Come to Missouri sometime for deer season….we don’t disappoint.

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  • Civis Proeliator

Hey! T’ain’t nothing wrong with dead deer’s heads or terrorist mime trainers (“What is that?! What the f*ck is that?!?” rotf!). Nor with turning fourty. Prime time, brother! I shall hoist a good hefe weizen or three in your honor (and mine) today. New Year Babies Unite!

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  • stinky CHEEZ

First of all,  Happy 40 DF.  That decade-al milestone is but a heat mirage in the rear view mirror for me, and the world still spins quite nicely.  As you seem to think clearly and slurp the marrow from life’s bones, this is probably not even halftime for you.

And OBTW Civis, I believe the ‘WTF is that’ voiceover is from that fine former Marine R. Lee Ermey from that somewhat fine film Full Metal Jacket…

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  • missred

Happy birthday frogman.  And many more to come

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  • the dissident frogman France

Many thanks to you all — and sorry for not following up on the comments sooner, or answering those of you who emailed me.

To make a long story short, my Dad managed to declare a pneumonia, made even worse by a totally incompetent physician (nothing exceptional though: just the “best healthcare system int he world” at work. I wish I could punch that fat f* Michael Moore right now) who treated him for nearly a week with only paracetamol - before that brilliant man of the art finally realized that the heavy fever wasn’t going down, whereas his patient was, and fast.

The end result is that I had to rush my Dad to the nearest hospital’s emergency service, where they diagnosed the pneumonia, and decided to keep him for further analysis and (hopefully, as this is just another “public service” hospital) the adequate treatment, at last.

At the same time, I had to almost beat my Mom (figuratively of course) into *not* speculating about the big bad “C” word, as she tends to freak out very easily when it comes to these things.

Having said that, my old man really doesn’t look good at the moment, and I confess I was quite worried until late this afternoon. That thing got the best of him, and what scared me most was that 1. I’ve always seen my Dad (like you did yours I bet) to be invincible, and the strongest man in the world and 2. He’s always been extremely hard on himself, working like mad, and never taking a rest. Seeing him shaking and so feeble that he could hardly eat his first hospital meal by himself today was really hard to stand.

KL,

What we really want to know is what you did with the rest of the deer.

A huge casserole! Seriously though, as we hunt in pack, we share whatever we kill between the members of the pack. So nobody gets to bring back the whole animal, but at the end of the season, everybody had roughly an equal share of all the meat.

As for the technicalities: that’s a young (judging by its teeth) adult male European Roe Deer (Capreolus capreolus), a relatively small animal that (correct me if I’m wrong) can’t be found on the American continent. It’s more or less the size of a goat, and not particularly bright (at least, compared with the wild boar), though some of the older males have been known to expose quite a bit of cunning. Which is a requisite, if you mean to become an old male in the unforgiving world of Mother Nature.

It was shot at 60/70 meters, give or take, the caliber was 280 rem, and the cartridge provided by Federal Ammunition (Power Shok soft point, 150 grain). Made in the US of A, but that goes without saying.

Our friend Proof who demonstrated his expertise in spotting the shooty and no shooty cartridges in the picture, and make the right deduction with respect to the deer’s head at room temperatures, wins a fine cigar with Sarah under the bright moon — lucky, lucky, lucky he.

Time to take sides

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  • floridasuzie Florida

Happy Birthday and I will keep your Dad in my prayers.

Suzie

SuzieC

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  • Mitch Townsend Wakefield, Massachusetts, USA

Happy birthday, Froggie!

Good decision on that rifle.  A .30-30 is a little underpowered, but a good utility rifle.  The Remington is available in various calibers; may I suggest the .30 magnum?  If you can see it, that rifle can hit it.  American snipers love that rifle in its military configuration as the M24.  Bolt action is not so much of a problem when you are likely to get only one shot.  If you get a different caliber with a shorter cartridge, you are likely to be annoyed at the long throw of the bolt action.

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  • SPQR

DF, our best wishes for your father’s speedy recovery.  I’ve been there guy, and know what you are going through. 

You are right, the red deer is not found on the North American continent.  But we have some species that are similar.

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  • JihadGene North Korea, Central California

Dear Dis-Froggy,

Forget the Ruger Mini 14, as it has a two stage trigger pull, and you must keep your trigger elbow up (if right-handed shooty shooter, then shooter must have right elbow up)...left is left…savy?  The Ruger Mini-14 SUCKS/TOO MANY RULES…. and is a pain in a dead deer’s ass to shooty, should you forget it’s marksmanship requirements!... If you shooty all kinds of cool rifles/boomsticks and a 30-30 Marlin ain’t your cup of tea (not a big enough shooty) then score (get/steal, or buy) a Ruger carbine semi-auto 44 mag. It will give you many years of dead deer heads in heavy brush at close range.

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  • Civis Proeliator

“And OBTW Civis, I believe the ‘WTF is that’ voiceover is from that fine former Marine R. Lee Ermey from that somewhat fine film Full Metal jacket…”

stinky…

::grinz:: Yeah, I know. Just liked the way it was inserted into the vid. Makes me chuckle everytime I watch it.

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  • SisterToldjah

DF, I hope your dad is feeling better today, and gets well soon.   

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  • referman plattsburgh ny

Hope your pops is doing well,and a Happy B day.Nice deer.I havn’t been up to camp yet,my brother inlaw says we got signs of at least one black bear.They been eatin good off the apple piles and berry’s.Do you get any thing that resembles a coy dog.We seem to be getting alot around here.They run the deer off.Last year while fishing we came across a new born deer,still had some of the belly cord attached.The things ya see when you forgot the camera..Good day to you sir…

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  • Kathleen North Carolina

Get well wishes for your Dad.

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  • Iwo Gina Maryland

I hope that your father will soon have a swift recovery. Happy belated birthday. I hope the venison stew will be tasty!

Iwo Gina :coolsmile:

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  • JihadGene North Korea, Central California

Dis Froggy-

Sure hope your Dad is doing better…give us an update when ya can. Praying for your family!

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  • 2hotel9 Western Pennsylvania

Bro, you should have jumped yesterday! Rain is good, air density is up. Though the added weight on the canopy is a drag, it is only 5 grand and no gear. You can DO IT!!!! HOOHA!!

And congrats on the deer. Hope you cook some awsome meals and impress the friends. Then get them shitfaced and convince them to jump out of airplanes. Its a tradition.

Una Salus Victus Nullam Sperare Salutem

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  • 2hotel9 Western Pennsylvania

Damn, I gots to get a more direct feed. Bloglines is running you 61 hours behind, this blows!

Hope your Papan is doing better, take him some venison, especially if you have to sneak it in. That makes it better.  Only med advice I can give is do the full set of anti-biotics. No matter how much better he feels, take all of them. And don’t go heavy on drinking water till the last 3 days.  And get the man some garlic. Few conditions you can get into that are not improved with a few good doses of garlic. Especially with wild rice and chicken. A nice Aegean seasoning mix.

And congrats again on the deer(head). My neighbor got a doe with his bow Saturday morning, so we have some venison in the house already.

Una Salus Victus Nullam Sperare Salutem

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  • Ben USN (Ret) Washington State, USA

Happy Birthday, DF (kinda late).

I hope and pray for your father to heal soon.

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  • Folly USA

I hope your father gets well soon despite the doctors.

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  • Red Collar Montreal, Qc, Can

Bonne fête!  J’ai remarqué qu’il n’y avait qu’une seule balle sans “shooty” et je me dis que c’est probablement ton interprétation artistique de la situation.

Mais puisque je vois la tête de chevreuil mort, je vais cesser ces questions stupides et dire Woohoo, UNE SEULE BALLE!  Comme dans Deer Hunter (le film avec Robert DeNiro).

Happy birthday.  I noticed that only one round was without the shooty part, and I figure that it’s your artistic interpretation of the situation.

But since I do see that there dead deer head, I will forgo this foolish line of questioning and say Woot!  One Shot, just like in Deer Hunter!  “Two is pussy.”

I also approve of the tatoo.  That’s pretty good.