Monkey buttocks ♠ Fesses de macaque

16 years and one month ago

Monkey buttocks ♠ Fesses de macaque

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I don't know about you but the dissident frogman quit smoking four years ago.

I considered the idea several years and eventually decided to stop one morning. Just like that.

No drugs, no pills, no expert tricks.
Willpower and that's it.

I was a heavy smoker. Somewhere between 40 and 60 fags a day, igniting my breakfast for champions first thing at 5:30 in the morning, almost before getting up. Talk about a real dead (quit smoking) duck.

What's more, I quit while people were smoking around me and I've always been fine with that. No problems as far as you stick to your decision and move dead (quit smoking) ahead.

That will be my friendly advice to those tempted to follow my tracks: the rest of the world is not going to quit just because you do. Live with it, stop the dead (quit smoking) cats and don't be dead (quit smoking) boring.

But of course, there are times when one can get pretty jumpy. Particularly, in my experience, the first week. That's when you need a way to die (quit smoking) down. Dead(quit smoking)-drunkenness won't help, unless you signed on the Charybdis-Scylla Magical Misery Tour but I found a fun, cheap, addictive (well...) and effective way to relax.

Spank the monkey.

It helps, really. Look at me: I did it and I didn't turn into one of those anti-tobacco-former-smoker Nazi.
You know them, the "I've-been-through-this-so-I-know" evangelists.

Loathsome pricks I tell you.

So be cool and spank the monkey. Let's see if you can beat the frogman's score.


Show us how fast you can spank that monkey.
A quelle vitesse fessez-vous le macaque?
UPDATE:
Dave W. just wrote:
ok, now that you helped me waste 45 minutes...
And attached his score.

He probably quit yesterday. Or two hours ago.

Take it easy Dave. The first week seems interminable but you can make it.

Keep spanking the monkey and you'll be fine.
UPDATE II
Well it did smell like anti-tobacco-Nazi conspiracy.
But what really bothers me anyway is when the legislator meddles in.

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Vous, je ne sais pas, mais le dissident frogman a cessé de fumer il y a quatre ans.

J'ai envisagé l'idée pendant plusieurs années et finalement décidé d'arrêter un matin. Comme ça, simplement.

Pas de médication, pas de patch, pas de 'truc'.
De la volonté et c'est tout.

J'étais un gros fumeur. Quelque part entre 40 et 60 clopes par jour, allumant le p'tit déj' des champions dès 5:30 le matin, le premier pied à peine posé hors du lit. Cadavre (cessez de fumer) à peine ambulant.

De plus, j'ai arrêté au milieu de fumeurs et n'ai jamais eu de problème avec ça. Il suffit de s'en tenir à sa décision et d'avancer. Ne pas rester au point mort (cessez de fumer).

Amical conseil à ceux qui seraient tentés de suivre mes traces : le reste du monde ne va pas cesser de fumer parce que vous le faites. Alors évitez d'être chiant comme la mort (cessez de fumer) pour votre entourage.

Cela dit, on peut parfois se sentir un poil tendu. Particulièrement, selon ma propre expérience, la première semaine. Picoler jusqu'à la phase terminale (cessez de fumer) n'aidera pas, à moins que vous n'ayez signé sur le Charybde-Scylla Magical Misery Tour, mais j'ai trouvé un façon amusante, gratuite, addictive (bon...) et efficace de se relaxer.

Fessez le macaque.

Ca aide, vraiment. Moi par exemple : j'y suis arrivé et je ne suis pas devenu l'un de ces nazis ancien-fumeur-anti-tabac.
Vous voyez le genre. L'évangéliste "J'ai-vécu-ça-alors-je-sais".

Détestables connards, c'est moi qui vous le dit.

Alors soyez cool et fessez le macaque. Voyons si vous pouvez battre le score de frogman.


President Chirac would love to beat the frogman's score.
Le Président Chirac aimerait battre le score de frogman.
MISE A JOUR
Dave W. vient de m'écrire:
ok, maintenant que vous m'avez aidé à gaspiller 45 minutes...
Avec son score en attachment.

Il a probablement arrêté hier. Ou même il y a deux heures.

Restez calme Dave. La première semaine semble interminable mais vous pouvez y arriver.

Continuez de fesser le macaque et tout ira bien.
MISE A JOUR II
Bon, cela sentait vraiment la manigance de nazi-anti-tabac.
Mais ce qui me gêne vraiment dans l'absolu, c'est quand le législateur s'en mêle.

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Comments thread (8)

  • Comment author avatar
  • Sophie

2…Je suppose qu’à continuer…il aurait été préférable de mettre un Z.

  • Comment author avatar
  • the dissident frogman France

Ca m’apprendra à faire deux choses en même temps : fesser les macaques et en* les mouches.

C’est la faute à la Bardot, avec ses bestioles.

Time to take sides

  • Comment author avatar
  • Sophie

C’est vrai qu’il est rarissime de trouver une faute dans vos écrits. A vous lire.

  • Comment author avatar
  • Alexander

Good job with the quiting smoking.  Thats how I quit, one night out of the blue I tossed the pack into the ocean, took a drag and tossed the butt in. Never looking back.

  • Comment author avatar
  • Elizabeth

Cigarette smoke makes clothes and hair stink and mucks up the lungs.  I’m glad you quit.  I quit as well about 6 years ago.
Spanking the monkey can be addicting!  My son tried and had a grand score of 216!  Good times!  HA! :)

  • Comment author avatar
  • dee cook

I can’t spank the monkey that fast. I’m tryin’, but I think guys are better at that, no?

  • Comment author avatar
  • Rebecca

Alright, a score of 366 and I have never smoked cigarettes in my life. What does that say about my life?! :)

  • Comment author avatar
  • ash

40-60 cigarettes a day! you are a hero! I am still trying to beat that, mate. forget about the monkey.