the dissident frogman

Article copy

I could use my system's automatic closing of the comment form on older entries, but then we would miss some good opportunities to have fun with disgruntled webizens who, having search-engineered their ways (presumably) to something like "Kaaba + wallpapers" and "Mujahideen + photoshop" end up on my very own GIEDs, that often result in severe disappointment and distress for the Faithful.

Which is, after all, their exact purpose.

Take for instance "Ur Uncle" below (probably not is real name) whose IP address [202.69.9.65] belongs to the pool of Telenor Pakistan, 15th Floor, Saudi Pak Tower, Jinnah Avenue Islamabad. He gives us an entertaining, if not enlightening, glimpse at Islamic culture and mythology:

I assume you mean that fake pic of Kaba(sic). Yeah, that would be me. And I did more than just upload it: I made it with my human hands.

So Muslims have a specific noun for the (biologically improbable) offspring of a woman and a dog? Fascinating culture! Could you elaborate a bit on which kind of historical event or societal practice might be the origin of such a semantic enrichment of your civilization's vocabulary?

Aside from that, I suppose I know some of the things you mean, yes. For instance, I know that better my mother be a bitch than a Muslim. Bitches make far more caring mothers. They only devour their own progeny exceptionally, whereas Muslim mothers strapping their younglings with Semtex and sending them to their suicidal death and bloody murder are kept in high esteem by many devout followers of Islam. It's easy to tell who's the real animal here, don't you think?

By the same merit, I'd rather my Dad be a dog than an Imam, a Mullah or an Ayatollah.

I also notice that the SMS method of learning English (U know wt I mean!) seems to be making great progress among Pakistani Islamic rage boys, which is good. I mean, considering that Western weaponry manuals — from the basic rifle to the DIY A-Bomb — are usually written in proper English, I'm quite happy with these dudes remaining (hardly) half literate.

As Bill, a man who unlike you had quite a knack for proper English, used to say “Thou call'st me dog before thou hadst a cause, But since I am a dog, beware my fangs” — "messing with this again", I have already. And messing with this again, I will without a doubt.

And now our next disgruntled Moslem courtesy of the world's most populous Muslim-majority nation, Indonesia. Brought to us through the broadband pipes of Telkom Indonesia, Menara Multimedia Lt. 7, Jl. Kebonsirih No.12, Jakarta — surfing from his/her [125.160.102.187] IP address — this one calls himself "Snoopy"¹.

Snoopy the Muslim found out that I doubt and deride Mujahideen muppets' abilities for Photoshop-warfare, and therefore proceeds to provide strategic advice, theological controversy, tortured syntax and a brilliant example of how cultural differences can inadvertently disable the climax of a carefully crafted Engrish rant:

Hello Snoopy the Muslim, and thank you for your comment.

Your flexible use of English syntax and creative vocabulary remind me of someone. Are you an Islamic schrolar by any chance?

You seem to share with your coreligionist a disturbing obsession with sexual intercourse involving one's female genitor. If once is a freak accident, I'm afraid twice is the beginning of a statistic — particularly when it's consistent with the observation that one of the main problems with these unfortunate votaries under the dreadful curses of Mohammedanism (W. Churchill) is the males' inaptitude to have normal relationships with females (of all species, apparently).

Here's a thought: perhaps Barack Hussein Obama should go the extra mile on his much vaunted disengage strategy, and replace all the Marines and G.Is he pretends to bring home (if/when elected POTUS by the French and the Germans) by an army of shrinks.

Well... Yeah. And your point is?

Oh, ok. I get the idea. It's one of those "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter" thing. Or in this instance "one man's penultimate abuse is another man's praise". The multiculturalist in me is reeling. Let's celebrate diversity:

Dear Snoopy the Muslim, most of my fellow Infidels are indeed enthusiastic and unrepentant pig eaters; a certain number of them however, to which I belong, are actually more than that. We are professional and devoted — some would say fanatical, and you couldn't blame them — pig eaters.

See, your average Infidel just hit the next supermarket or butcher shop to get his yummy piece of pork.

That's not enough for those like me.

We go where the hogs roam free, we search and follow them, we watch for their tracks and probe their wallows. We seek them from dusk til dawn in the freezing cold Western winters, teaming with packs of dogs whom we regard as friends and family. And that's not just the men and the dogs, dear Snoopy the Muslim, for there are even women among us, women we treat as equals.

And upon the cunning, clever and mighty Pig, who can outsmart our dogs and dodge our bullets, we bestow a mythical, nearly magical stand.

We hunt and we kill the Pigs. Then we gut and dress It with our bare hands. And when it's over we keep our trophies but share the pig's meat while the dogs have their rest; and we have the drinks and the laughs with the women (Haraam² in bold).

Yep, come to think of it, hunting wild boars in early 21st century France is the most anti-Islamic expansionism statement you can make and fun you can have with all your clothes on, and without hurting anyone³.