the dissident frogman

19 years and 4 months ago

Piggy Wiggy Sat Under The Tree. ♠ Petit Cochon, Viens Dans Ma Maison

the dissident frogman

Necrothreading much?

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On this Christmas eve, I wish a Merry Birth of Christ our Savior to my Crusader brothers and sisters.

I would also like to take that opportunity to appeal to their benevolence and suggest the following idea:

Unlike those Socialist miscreants who will 'celebrate' Christmas' just to get drunk presents, demonstrating once again their lack of morality and their spiritual weakness, you will set up a Christmas crib. There is Mary, Joseph, surrounded by the ox, the donkey and maybe a few sheep. Plus three kings and the star. Passed midnight, back from the mass, you will not fail to add the baby Jesus.

If you're serious about it, you probably managed to place some shepherds too, with the crucial lamb. And I'm sure your Christmas crib looks wonderful.

But let me risk a guess, dear Crusader brothers and Crusader sisters: am I right in thinking that most of you never considered adding a nice little piggy to the scene?

Why not? After all:

1) Piggies are funny and likeable. Ask Disney.
2) Despite a persistent slander, the pig is a very clean animal. Unlike the average would-be Jihadi from a Parisian suburb, pigs won't crap out their living space, which is why would-be Jihadis hate them.
3) Pigs are very intelligent, social and sensitive, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is why they hate pigs.
4) When you're lucky to have a piggy pal, you can stuff your face with truffles anytime. All you need is an oak.
5) Pigs sing to court their female, who also sings to their piglets. Pigs like family and music, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is also why they hate pigs.
6) Piggies are yummy. But you shouldn't be eating your piggy pal, only feast on anonymous hogs. Yeah, with truffles.
7) Pigs dig us, humans, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is another reason why they hate pigs (and humans).
8) The Jihadis fear piggy wiggy, which is why the previous 7 virtues reasons don't matter really: that one only should be enough for you to love piggies.
Anybody hated by the scumbags zealots of the Religion of Decapitation is your friend and ally, dontcha think?

I'm fairly confident the force of these arguments convinced you that your wonderful Christmas crib has to be improved with such a Jihadi repellent as our buddy piggy.

If so, don't bother finding an open shop to buy a piggy wiggy for your Christmas crib. Let me be your Santa Claus, oink, oink.
Grab this Action (Frog)man Piggy Buddy® (click for the large one), print it and give it to your kid (or say, to the Socialist asshole who married your sister and therefore has to be invited for Christmas Eve as well) to snip it along the dotted line. Then fold it appropriately and place it in your anti-Jihadi Christmas crib.

Naah, you don't need further instructions. Everybody here, including the paper piggy, is smarter than a Jihadi and a Socialist stepbrother combined.

You'll figure it out, while I stuff my face with truffles.

Merry Christmas, oink, oink.

Article copy (alternate language)

En cette veille de Noël, je souhaite une Joyeuse Naissance de Jésus Christ Notre Sauveur à mes frères et soeurs Croisés.

Je tiens également à profiter de l'opportunité pour faire appel à leur bienveillance et leur suggérer l'idée suivante :

Contrairement à ces mécréants socialistes qui ne vont 'célébrer' Noël que dans le but de s'offrir une murge des cadeaux, démontrant une fois de plus leur absence de moralité et la faiblesse de leur spiritualité, vous avez réalisé une crèche de Noël. Il y a Marie, Joseph, entourés du boeuf, de l'âne et peut être de quelques moutons. Plus trois rois mages et l'étoile. Passé minuit, de retour de la messe, vous ne manquerez pas d'y ajouter l'Enfant Jésus.

Si vous êtes sérieux, vous avez probablement fait en sorte d'y inclure également quelques bergers, ainsi que l'immanquable agneau. Et je suis certain que votre crèche de Noël est magnifique.

Cependant, laissez moi risquer une hypothèse, cher frères et soeurs Croisés : ai-je raison de croire que la plupart d'entre vous n'a jamais envisagé d'ajouter un mignon petit cochon à la scène ?

Et diable, pourquoi pas ? Après tout :

1) Les cochonnets sont sympas et adorables. Demandez à Disney.
2) Malgré une calomnie persistante, le porc est un animal très propre. Contrairement aux Jihadis en puissance des banlieues parisiennes, les porcs ne dégueulassent pas leurs lieux de vie, et c'est la raison pour laquelle les Jihadis en puissance les haïssent.
3) Les cochons sont très intelligents, sociaux et sensibles. On ne saurait en dire autant du Jihadi moyen, ce qui est la raison pour laquelle ils haïssent les cochons.
4) Quand vous avez la chance d'avoir un pote cochon, vous pouvez vous gaver de truffes en toute occasion. Tout ce qu'il vous faut, c'est un chêne.
5) Les cochons chantent pour séduire leur femelle, qui elle, chante pour ses porcelets. Les cochons aiment la famille et la musique, et l'on ne saurait en dire autant du Jihadi moyen, ce qui est aussi la raison pour laquelle ils haïssent les cochons.
6) dans le cochon, tout est bon. Mais vous ne devriez pas manger votre pote cochon, ne festoyez que sur des pourceaux anonymes. Ouais, avec des truffes.
7) Les cochons nous ont, nous humains, à la bonne, et l'on ne saurait en dire autant du Jihadi moyen, ce qui est une autre raison pour laquelle ils haïssent les cochons (et les humains).
8) Les Jihadis ont peur des petits cochons, ce qui signifie que les 7 vertus raisons précédentes n'ont finalement pas grande importance : celle là seulement devrait vous suffire pour aimer les cochonnets.
Quiconque est détesté par ces sacs à fiente de bigots de la Religion de Décapitation est forcément votre ami et allié, 'croyez pas ?

Je suis persuadé que la force de ces arguments a suffit à vous convaincre que votre magnifique crèche de Noël doit être améliorée sans tarder avec un refouloir à Jihadi tel que notre pote le cochon.

Si c'est bien le cas, ne vous fatiguez pas à chercher un magasin à cochonnet pour crèche de Noël ouvert. Laissez moi être votre Père Noël, grouik, grouik.
Saisissez vous de ce Pote Cochon Action (Frog)man® (cliquez pour le grand modèle), imprimez le, et donnez le à vos gosses (ou même, disons, au trou du cul de socialiste qui a marié votre soeur et doit être invité pour le réveillon, lui aussi) afin qu'ils le découpent en suivant les pointillés. Puis pliez le de manière appropriée et placez le dans votre splendide crèche anti-Jihadi.

Naan, vous n'avez pas besoin de plus d'instructions. Tout le monde ici, y compris le cochonnet de papier, est plus intelligent qu'un Jihadi et un beau-frère socialiste pris ensembles.

Vous vous débrouillerez très bien seuls, pendant que je me gave de truffes.

Joyeux Noël, grouik, grouik.

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the dissident frogman

I own, built and run this place. In a previous life I was not French but sadly, I died.

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00553

The Wise knows that Cities are but demonic Soul-tearing pits that shall not be entered.

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Comments thread (30)

1729 - Frédérique

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Joyeuses fêtes !! En ce qui me concerne, tout finit par arriver : nous avons mis le petit Jésus dans la crêche....(il n'y a pas d'âge...) Bon : difficile à traduire pour nos amis anglophones. SEASON'S GREETINGS TO YOU ALL !!!

1730 - B. Durbin

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I think we'll stick with the dimetrodon eating the sheep. Tradition, you know. And thank you, everyone, for the kind wishes; I can only say Merry Pirates and Happy Ninjas* in return. *(credit Rob Durbin)

1731 - Phil Free

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Monsieur Frogman, I have been adding pig(let)s under my Christmas tree for the past three years although I never really made the connection. Une Bonne Année Nouvelle à tout le monde!

1732 - Howard e

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IF A PIG COULD TALK Come little children and let's go visit the zoo, To observe the animals and learn from them too. Imagine, if they were human…like you and me, Looking in the mirror…how unhappy they'd be! Just think"”if a pig could talk, now don't you suppose That it'd be squealing about its' funny flat nose? The ponderous rhinoceros would be angry about Those two huge ugly horns upon its great snout! Listen to the Kangaroo, to her low moans and sighs, She's just so upset about her tremendous thighs. While Mrs. Skunk just keeps babbling, "My perfumes not right," As she meanders around in the dark of night. Hear that monkey scream out in a loud anguished wail. She's crying because she simply hates her long kinky tail, While the hippopotamus grunts 'cause she's too fat, "But, tomorrow," she winked, "I'll do something 'bout that." Now just think, my dear, how dreadful it'd be, If animals had manners like humanity! There crouches the gorilla thumping his great chest, "I'm too hot," he's grumbling, "in this hairy old vest." While a parrot begins squawking from high in a tree, "Oh, I hate this large beak. How'd you like to be me?" The tall ostrich spoke up, "Gosh, my legs are too thin!" Yet, in each race that she ran, she always would win. The giraffe was incensed and he had to complain, His neck was too long, his head hangs out in the rain." Then the ugly old wart-hog shed copious tears, 'cause no one had visited her for thirty-odd years. Mrs. Leopard is irked, "wearing this same old fur coat," And refers to her mate as "a stingy old goat." The huge elephant trumpeted, "That's all just bunk, What I'd like most is a nose instead of this trunk." The old Jersey cow mooed, "Just look at this udder, It's hereditary, folks, just like me mudder." Each one of us has a problem, my little dear, But let's just listen, for there's yet more that we'll hear. Then that sly old lynx spoke up, "Not to trivialize, But what bothers me most is the shape of my eyes" The rattle-snake came crawling along the hard earth, "Oh, if God has just given me legs at my birth." And then old mother hen, a'cackling so loudly, "Look at my funny head. I'd wear yours more proudly." Then from deep under-ground, loud wails from a small mole, "I'm blind as a bat if I come out of my hole." Look all around you, dears, and then surely you'll see, That we're not as bad off as we might think we be. The point I would make, little sisters and brothers, Looks aren't as important as how we treat others. The popular athlete might act rudely and vain, Others friendly and happy with faces so plain. While handicapped people might be helpful and kind, Behind a mask of good looks may dwell a dark mind. In the animal kingdom, there's much that seems wrong, But in spite of their problems they all get along. They adapt to conditions…use what they're given, That's the way they survive, and how they keep livin'. For we all enter life with a blemish or two, What you'll find most important are the things that you do, What you say, how you act, using talents you've got, Never pretending to friends you're someone you're not. Learn to show kindness to your fellow man, Make it your Number One Rule of your whole life's plan! Copyright 1994. Revised 1995, 2001 2003 H. E. Morseburg

1733 - Valerie, Texas, not to be confused w/the Valerie o

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  • Valerie, Texas, not to be confused w/the Valerie o

Happy New Year Frogman. Merci beaucoup for keeping this superb blog going for one more year. Take care, all the best to you and yours in the adventure ahead named 2005!

1734 - 2Hotel9

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Just back from extended patrol to visit Mom for Christmas. I have advocated the inclusion of our freedom loving freinds, la grande Swine, in our war against terrorist slimbags for years. And they are tasty, too. Pigs are excellent at locating explosives and hidden items, such as arms caches and ambushes. They also are well suited to serving as early warnning systems, much better than dogs as they operate pretty much without having to be instructed. Just let them have the run of an area, they will alert you to intruders, while at the same time attacking said intruders. Keep up the good work, and in the immortal words of Vinegar Joe,"Illegitimati non carborundum". Later on, Bro!

1735 - dchamil

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In American English, we use the French word creche instead of "Christmas crib", or something similar. Otherwise, your English is that of a native speaker.

1736 - Moishe3rd

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Have a Good Year Monsieur Frogman, I am a fan in Minnesota. You give me hope, always, by your wit and verve, that all Europeans, and the French in particular, are not swine. Be well and prosper.

1737 - John Sabotta

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Merry Christmas! Dissident Frogman, the French are all right, because that most beautiful and terrifying of all horror films, Franju's YEUX SANS VISAGE is being released on DVD! Yay! The black Citroen of death rides again~ to a great Maurice Jarre score! Someday the French will remember the heroic spirit of Fantomas (he is cool, and more than a match for bin Laden) (Also recently saw the silent version of JUDEX! France is neat! )

1738 - John Sabotta

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By the way, I want a 2CV. A sinister black 2CV. For my experimental subjects. And a sinister (yet beautiful) French female assistant in a black leather trenchcoat. With plenty of chloroform.